It is getting to be a really hard job to be a stand-up comic, or in my case a sit down comic. Material is really hard to come by. These days even jokes have to be politically correct. You can’t make jokes about pollacks, or gays, or religion. What a loss are all those ones that started, there was a priest, a rabbi, and a baptist minister. Lord help you if you make a joke about women or black people and especially about black women. You used to be able to make jokes about the President, but this guy is so into secrecy and ignoring the bill of rights, that I’m afraid to make a joke about him. I might end up on some secret list as an enemy combatant. You can’t make jokes about crazy people or drunks because it is a disease, and they need our understanding and compassion. Leave out the junkies and cigarette smokers because they are addicted, and it isn’t their fault. Thank God for fat people.
About the only group of people it isn’t politically incorrect to make jokes about is fat people. Everybody knows that all they had to do was push away from the table earlier, and they wouldn’t be fat. Then you can really unload both barrels on the truly obese people, but they’d probably eat them. [insert canned laughter] Even TV ads jump on the bandwagon of “Yo Mama’s so fat” jokes. Seeing this trend starting, I decided to become a connoisseur of fat jokes..there isn’t any calories in them.
Fat people are portrayed as jovial and good natured. They always seem to be making jokes about their own weight. That’s because they want to take your ammunition away. If they make a joke about their size, and you make another one, then you are being redundant and un-funny. Is that a word? Was that a joke, or just the sad truth? You decide.
Yes, we’ve heard the one about about the seafood diet, where we see food and eat it. We’ve heard them all. Just the way you’d remember every time you were stabbed. As you sit there thinking, “Poor little fat boy, feeling sorry for himself. All you had to do was push away from the table.” In every TV show or movie that has a school scene in it and a bully, it is always the fat kid who is being picked on. Society teaches that it is okay to hate fat people. You can be just about anything in this society but fat.
Being fat is so horrifying to many people that people will kill themselves to avoid being fat. Welcome Bulimia and Anorexia. You ladies are leading the pack with a ten to one ratio over them men for these two diseases. Or is it a case of, “All you had to do was keep your mouth shut after eating.” You carry that hatred of becoming fat into your relationships with men. It isn’t the fat guy who’s getting lucky tonight. In fact, when it comes to one of the biggest complaints by married women, it was their husbands “let themselves go.” Be honest, don’t you make love a little less often, because the fat turns you off. Not that you don’t love him dearly, it just makes the pool boy with the cute ass look appealing.
Even the fat girls don’t like fat guys. Men will lie, cheat, steal and even kill to get laid. So the fat girls won’t end up dying as virgins, even if they don’t manage to keep a guy. You overweight ladies put up with a constant barrage of belittlements, and still keep coming back for more. What about you women who aren’t fat. Yeah, the ones who aren’t even a little bit overweight. When your relationship breaks up, isn’t the first thing you do after all the crying is start on a diet? It wasn’t your fault in any way the relationship took a nose dive, it was the fat. A diet will fix anything.
I see the guy offstage motioning for me to get back there, and end my show. I guess I started out okay, but when it came to the truth, it wasn’t so funny. Well, it was open mike night here at the Comedy Spot, and I had something to say. To all a good night, and may visions of sugar plums dance in your head. All calorie free.